How I became a writer Part IV

Title: How I became a writer

Part IV

If you ask someone what was your favorite subject in school, you’ll get different answers.  My wife would tell you math.  My little wooden friend, named Woodrow, will tell you lunch and recess.  (I’m a ventriloquist, which I have realized is really the art of talking to yourself...kind of disturbing when you think about it!)  When I went to seventh grade, my favorite subject was history!  Mr. R.T. Earl made it very exciting and I also got a Master’s level education in outlining as a bonus, that has been a huge blessing as a Pastor:)  I was good at Bible class too but not so good at a good many other things.  I dreaded gym class because I was the kind of kid that generally didn’t get picked first at sports and if you were crazy enough to pick me, I sincerely hoped I didn’t screw up!  I endured music class because I didn’t think I could sing.  They tested us to see what our aptitude for math was and I was put in “General” math for an extra year.  The majority of my class went onto Algebra.  My aptitude for math in high school was low, although I did like geometry...for the first few months anyway.  Science was a class I just couldn’t get interested in.  I tried to pay attention and succeeded enough to get a B or C but it was a Herculean effort!  Ironically enough though, one of my worst subjects was English.

I need to make a few clarifications before I continue.  First, a good grade is extremely subjective in a students mind.  For some students anything lower than straight As is the end of the world.  Other students hope and pray for something higher than an F so that they don’t have to repeat the class and are thrilled when they that D-.  At Bethel an A was 100 – 93, B 92-85, and a C was 84- ... I’m really not sure.  I didn’t really like Cs, so if it was beyond a high seventy something, it was bad!  So when I say I was “bad” at science, math, and English, it just means that I got a C on  a paper I was afraid it would keep me off the honor roll.  My kids are bummed out when they miss distinguished honor roll...me, I never made that in my life!  I also didn’t make the deans list (my boy Matthew made some super list for geniuses, presidents list) and unlike my older two children, I graduated, “Thank the Lord!” without honorifics.  (Again, unlike my older two children that clearly get their brains from their mother!)  Second, my teachers were GREAT!  When I found out physics was basically one gigantic story problem fest, I felt like weeping, but Mr. A. did his best to make the experience a good one.  One test every problem was based on Batman, such as, how much force does Batman’s grappling hook need if he is to (blah, blah, blah), and I loved it!  Well, I loved the Batman part anyway!  Mrs. Gribbin made us add in our head at the beginning of Algebra I and II and wow, does that come in handy!  She would literally give us numbers that we had to add or subtract in our heads and then write down the answer at the beginning of each class period.  She ignored our whining about it and as the class went on, we got better at it and the whining stopped. 

English.  English class was a nightmare!  It was okay in sixth grade when Mrs. Gribbon taught us about nouns.  A noun is a person, a place, or a thing (yes I know, it’s an idea too but I just remembered the first three:) simple, right?  A verb is some sort of action (state of being verbs were much trickier for me, probably because I was doodling on my paper when the teacher was explaining it to me!)  Simple Simon met a pie man, correct?  NOPE!  Suddenly there were direct objects and then, as if that wasn’t bad enough, there were indirect objects!  Don’t get me started on gerunds!  I was so bad at this process, I built a PLAN to pass English class!  I wanted to make the honor roll, remember?  Getting a C in English would foil that and I did NOT want a D!  The plan was simple.  It seemed to me that my grade was based on three things.  One was the weekly vocabulary quiz, and I was awesome at that!  Then there was the weekly SPELLING test:(  I was just plain awful at that!  Some people are like, “Just teach kids phonetics and they will spell great!”  It is a lie!  My school tried to teach me phonetics in the lower grades...boy did they try!  I spent hours (at least it felt like hours), memorizing each spelling word.  I memorized lines for plays for years (Mr. Henninger had recruited me into high school plays as a third grader) and this was no different.  It was an easy A...sort of!  I was so bad at English I wrote off getting good grades in the grammar portion.  I figured in that area I could kill myself to stay in C land, with occasional excursions to D land, and hopefully avoid that dread land of F!  All this would add up to a B in the class...hopefully a high B!  I liked high Bs!    

One day though, I think in ninth grade, my frustration with English hit a boiling point!  Mr. Tysiachney was dutifully teaching this arcane lore, called English...supposedly the language I spoke, when I suddenly blurted out in the middle of class, “Why do we have to learn all this stupid stuff?  I’m never going to use it!” 

She paused and turned to look at me.  Mrs. Tysiachney said, in a very calm voice, “Adrian, that is the most ignorant thing I have ever heard.”  Then she calmly returned to what she was teaching.  Little did I realize how wise that gentle rebuke was.  As a substitute teacher, I have had students sullenly blurt out those exact same words.  Like Mrs. Tysiachney, I don’t argue about it, or get defensive.  I smile at them and say, “You have no idea what you are going to be doing a few years from now.  How do you know if this subject will come in handy or not?  What if you become President of the United States?  What if you own your own business?”  If the student is receptive, I will tell the story of Mrs. Tysiachney and her very wise words.  For you see, less than a year later, I would get bit by the writing bug, and that would change everything.